Manliest Video Game Characters #1

Welcome to my very first entry of "Manly Video Game Characters". The point of these posts is to educate you on the awesomeness inherent in the personality traits of certain males in the Vidya. I figured I'd start this segment off with a lesser known character, and work my way up from there.



Ronixis J. Kenni
(Star Ocean: Fantastic Space Odyssey)

Where to start? Ronixis, commander of the Starship "Calnus", of the Earth Federation, ends up getting involved with the affairs on the primitive planet of Roak. In the process, he's essentially given the leadership over the group of ragtag members who end up restoring order to the planet, and saving the future they came from in the process.

Ronixis is your normal Military-type Anime Character; Strategic, cocky, and sarcastic. He drags his second-in-command, Ilia Silvestri, along with him for the ride they take when they discover all the weird "petrification" shit going down on Roak.

Ronixis figures out that there's only one way to reverse the petrification, and that's to retrieve a sample from the monster from whose blood it was created; The Archfiend. The only issue? - It was killed centuries ago.

So Ronixis comes up with a plan; They use the Forbidden Time Gate on planet Styx to go back in time, and stop the disease from taking the planet over. They state clearly that they don't know how it works, why it works, and that it might have a mind of its own. And the entire planet is sealed off to keep people from attempting to use it.

This stops Ronixis for approximately three seconds.

... The man encounters a TALKING Time Machine, and says, "Well, Fuck it. We ready? TOO BAD!", and jumps right on in. He disobeys direct orders from the Leader of the Federation, and risks a Court Marshal; That's ASSUMING his ass won't get torn asunder by jumping through AN UNKOWN PIECE OF TIME DISTORTING EQUIPMENT, WHICH TALKS.

Not only that, but they're forced to leave their space-age equipment on the planet they traveled from. Ronixis ends up downgrading from a Laser Pistol?... To a Crossbow. And somehow STILL manages to do insane damage with it.

Moving along in the story, he helps the others defeat the Archfiend, and becomes one of the legendary members of the party who defeated it in the legends of the future. After being sent back to his own time in the game, he proceeds to knock Ilia up, and they pop out a child whom - in the sequel - goes on to become the greatest swordsman on planet Expel. Greater even than Dias Flac, who I consider nearly equally as manly as Ronixis.

And to top it all off, when faced with certain death in the sequel? The man goes down with his ship, after telling his son it was up to him and his friends to save the universe. He could have easily ordered a retreat, or even had the crew eject? But the man purposely takes a particle cannon shot to the cockpit.

This said, Ronixis marks the first entry on my list of "Manly Video Game Characters".

Deus Ex

Deus Ex
"If there were no God, it would be necessary to invent him."

Plotline:
Terrorism, Conspiracy, Extremely Stalker-ish A.I. Systems!!!
JC Denton - Augmented human, and member of UNATCO - gets caught up in a web of secrets, lies, and betrayal. All whilst attempting to figure out who's telling the truth, whose side he's truly on, and whether or not the world will benefit from the plans in place by the Illuminati, an organization called "Majestic 12", and the A.I. systems attempting to manipulate him. And while sporting a leather trenchcoat, as well. Conspiracy theories have never looked so stylish!!!

Review:
Today!? I REVIEW A PC GAME. Well, at the behest of my best friend. I got ahold of a copy of this wonderful lil' slice of PC Gaming awesomeness, and installed it at super-speed. Deus Ex pulled in a "Game of the Year" award, and the praise of a very dedicated fan-base. It has spawned a sequel (of lesser caliber, however.), and a prequel is on it's way; Of which my friend and I are certain will be just as bastardized, if not more, than the sequel.

Now, before I get started on this masterpiece of political intrigue, and stealth-actionan' (I always tend to sneak. Just how I am.), let me first explain to you that I am NOT reviewing the vanilla version of the game. Indeed... I have broken a rule of mine, and installed a mod. Mainly, a mod that allows you to THROW EVERY MELEE WEAPON IN THE GAME. You see, there are Throwing Knives in the game. Very sparse, however... I loved these little fuckers SO much, that I felt the need to install a mod that allows you to throw EVERYTHING. So this entire review?

Is centered around me using nothing but Throwing Crowbars.

That's right, people. I spent the entire game tossing crowbars. THE WHOLE GAME. And I enjoyed it. Every second of it. You'll never understand how beautiful life can be, until you chunk a crowbar at an unsuspecting guard. Hearing them scream in agony never gets old, when a crowbar hath flown directly into their cranium. It's a wondrous sight. Now, I'll admit.. Once I obtained the Spybot Augmentation (Augmentations are upgrades to JC's systems, allowing new abilities), I used it - along with EMP grenades - to tackle larger robotic enemies. I'm sorry, but no matter how many crowbars you toss at those bastards, they refuse to go down. It was slightly disappointing, actually...

ANYWAY! On to the meat of the review. Let me first start with the game's "weakest" point; the graphics. Now don't get angry just yet, people. I'm not going to trash them. I'm just going to state that they haven't aged well, through the years. Keep in mind, this game ran on a heavily-modified version of the "Unreal Tournament" engine, so to the graphics-whore, this game is going to be hard to stomach these days. Me? I'm the kind of guy who replays games like "Mystic Quest", just out of masochism. So the graphics don't bother me in the least bit. In my honest opinion? I'd say this game sported some of the best specular effects of it's time. The lighting is fantastic, for an older game. And enemies do respond to shadows, so sneaking in them is a near-necessity. I say near, because there *are* augmentations for Cloaking, but they drain immense amounts of energy.

The character models are well done, and aside from a few "animation" issues. One that still makes me laugh is Denton unequiping his weapon everytime he speaks. It's like he's trying to kindle a fire in his hands... NEVER gets old. On the whole, the game runs smoothly. I never had a chance to play the game on an older machine, so I have no comparison. However, my PC is old enough to be incapable of running BioShock smoothly. so it's quite "weathered", by today's standards. I'd say the biggest issue with the graphics is the texturing. It's hard to crank out high resolution textures in a game like this, however. I believe the standard back then was 256x256, or so. So you can't really bitch about it too much. They did the best with what the engine had to offer, and I believe they succeeded.

The sound effects are absolutely wonderful. I only played with a gun once or twice, and it had a silencer on it... So, I can't vouch for the awesomeness of POV Gunshot sound effects? But god damn; I could point out to you what the sound of a thrown crowbar meeting a skull sounds like? In an instant. The voice acting is a bit of a mixed bag, really. Certain characters have amazing voices (Jaime, Nicolette, Jock, Alex.), while others are just comical at times. (Gunther, Page, Simons, and Tong.).

Denton has quite possibly the greatest over-reaction to a statement I've ever heard, in the form of shouting, "A BOMB!". It's hard not to laugh at how he talks, at times. But it's great, at the same time, because he brings a real feeling of nigh-emotionless loyalty to the character, and manages to succeed in making you feel like his path is however you choose to play his character. It's kind of freeing to play a game that actually does a good job at making a pre-existing character feel so neutral, that you really do feel like you're guiding him on the path you believe is most beneficial.

Gameplay is absolutely top-notch. In the time-frame this game was released? It offered a freedom of playstyle that VERY few games had offered, up to that point (Outside of text-based adventures, that is.). If you don't believe me, re-read my previous statements: I stealth'd through the game, throwing crowbars. Take that in for a few seconds. Let it sink it. Think about the fact that there is an entire continent of digital enemies writhing in pain on the floor, due to my immaculate crowbar tossing skill. Has it sunk in yet? Are we good? Ok, then. Continuing on...

This is also one of few games I can think of in it's timeframe that allowed a non-lethal approach to finishing the game; There are guides on the net dedicated to teaching players how to bypass the killing of ANY NPC in the game, at Denton's hands. It's a wonderful way to enjoy the game, on a second playthrough. Personally, I enjoy being able to draw a little blood. But that's just me! I'm sure some people out there prefer a less-violent way of finishing the game... Perhaps a way that doesn't involve the launching of crowbars? Absurd, I know. But likely...

The story, I saved for last. Mainly because I still can't think of the right words to use, in order to praise it. The story is really the main reason my friend convinced me to pick the game up. And let me tell you now; I was not disappointed. This game has, by far, one of the greatest politically based stories I've come across in my years of video gaming. The standard it sets for other story-based games is actually somewhat intimidating, when it comes down to it. Even now, games like BioShock - which made obvious connections to Objectivism, and the questioning of ideology - Still have a hard time keeping up with the level of detail this game put into it's story. Newspapers, books, computer terminals; They all feature stories, updates on the world events in response to JC's choices, and even interpretations of possible events in the future of our current government.

On a few levels, it's slightly scary to see a video game's story mirror real-world politics so vividly. I honestly wouldn't be suprised if this game won it's awards off of it's story, alone. Now, clearly the game has more to offer than just story, but the point I'm attempting to make is that the game's story is the real selling point; Something that drags you in, and really makes you think about the consequences of the choice you make at the end of the game.

With all that said, even with it's few flaws, the game is the pinnacle upon the top of the Golden Age of PC Gaming. I can't think of enough words to explain how influential this game went on to be, to other developers and franchises. All I can say is that it deserves ATLEAST a playthrough, if not two, to understand the events of the game to their full extent, and appreciate it in it's entirety.



Summary:
Even with it's aging graphic engine, the game still managed to chug along at a wonderful pace. The gameplay mechanics keep the game fresh, and exciting. You never feel bored with it, in the least. The freedom of being able to play JC however you want is what truly stands out, allowing you to create all sorts of mischief, or just breeze on past the enemies. When you reach the end of the game, you truly feel you've worked to get there; it's not an empty victory.

The sound effects are a strong point: Good voices, good effects, and an AMAZING Soundtrack that fits the ambience of the game perfectly. In an age where games are often without decent music, the days of using an MP3 Player to fuel your needs for music are at a peak, when it comes to gaming. Deus Ex does not falter, and delivers a stunning score that manages to keep your mind in the game. The story is it's shining point, and can't be explained with enough words by yours truly; It has to be experienced to be understood.


What the ... :
I find it slightly funny that I can knock out a guard, and alert the guy next to him. But if I hide? He cares nothing about the bleeding corpse next to him. DO YOU HAVE NO HONOR, GUARD-GUY?! CAN'T YOU ATLEAST MOVE HIM!? Also, one of the boss fights is a little annoying, if you don't pay attention to how he moves/aims; He can literally one-shot you, with his weapon. It gets frustrating, when you can't manage to kill an enemy do to their over-powered plasma launcher...

Story
5

Gameplay
5

Graphics
4

Audio
4

God of War II

God of War II
And of Stylish Armor.

Plotline:
After the events of the first God of War, Kratos takes up his rightfully earned throne on Mount Olypmus, dishing out war and mayhem to any that oppose his rule as the true God of War. The other Gods don't take as kindly to his... "MY SPARTANS CONQUER ALL!!!" mentality, and conspire to outcast him back to his own mortality, sapping the powers of the Gods from him. Zeus himself delivers a "helping hand" to Kratos, but can he really be trusted? Better yet, can anyone with a beard tied in braids be trusted? This is a question we should all ask ourselves...

Review:
ALRIGHT. Three, count them, three beat-'em-up games in a row, for yours truly. You all know me. This is like torture, playing the same genre three times in a row. But I suffer through it, my adoring fans. I suffer through it for you. All 8 of you. You really mean that much to me, truly. Absolutely fantastic. *thumbs up*... Seriously though. Anyone who knows me, knows that I hate playing the same genre continuously. It starts to get stale, and causes a slight amount of boredom in my mind, thus making the game harder for me to complete, as it no longer holds my attention as well as the previous games.

I am proud to tell you that this is not one of those cases. God of War II picks up what seems like a few months/possibly years after the first one, where Kratos has decided to unleash hell, and help his Spartan army conquer his enemies. First thing you notice when you start the game is that... Not a whole lot has changed. But that's not necessarily a bad thing. The formula for the first game was pretty spot-on, so why fix something that wasn't broken in the first place?

The first thing you'll notice once you get into the game itself, is that the controls have remained solid. Button presses are exact, the controls respond perfectly, and the combat system from the first one is intact. In fact, you start with everything you ended the first game with. Of course, you can't stay that over-powered the entire game, so it's sapped away from you in the first level, thus why you quest the entire game to retrieve your power/exact your revenge. And if there's anyone suited to dish out some God-loathing justice, it's Kratos. I mean, the guy flat out reamed Liam Nee-... Ares. AND THERE IT IS, FOLKS. I use the word "ream", once more. From now on? Kratos doesn't fight. He doesn't attack. He reams. REEEEEEEAM.

Anyway, continuing forward. The new powers in the game are pretty nifty. "Cronos' Rage" sticks out, which replaces the Poseidon magic from the original game. It's essentially a stationary Charged Bolt spell, like you'd find in the Diablo games. Very nifty for large amounts of enemies. And "Medusa's Gaze" has been changed to "The Head of Euryale". What a friggin' buff. This attack was absolutely useless, in GoW, but holy hell, it is absolutely epic this time around. You can charge it, and unleash a DOME of long-lasting petrification. This, coupled with the Blades of Athena, can take out an entire room of enemies in seconds. However, that's the other problem. Aside from the Blade of Olympus in "Bonus Play", after you beat the game, the rest of the weapons you unlock through-out the game, (The Spear of Destiny, and the Barbarian Hammer), are pretty much useless. I used them for the sections you gain them in, and then never again. It's really sad to have such awesome weapon models collecting dust.

The game has bosses. (NO RLY?!?!) However, they're extremely simple, and easily dispatched. The first boss is a pretty fun little fight, as it's multi-tiered. You actually go inside him, at one point, and finish him off from there. But very few boss battles in the game are that intense. The final boss of the game, this time around, is an absolute pushover, even on God Difficulty. My fight with him consisted of... "Cronos' Rage, Cronos' Rage, Cronos' Rage, Rage of the Titans, C-C-C-C-COMBO."... And bam. He was dead. I'm also disappointed to not that there was no equivalent to Pandora's Temple in this game, which made yours truly quite the sad little man. And this sequel suffers more so from the same issue the last one had; Certain battles drag on, and get obscenely boring, especially at the mid-point of the game. You find yourself having memorized all the combos, and just never losing a bit of health or magic, due to Context-Killing all your enemies.

I will state, however, that the context-based kills in this game get pretty damn brutal. One in particular involves a mace-wielding, armored soldier. You dig your blades into his shoulders, flip over his head, and yank. Long story short; decapitation. It's one of those scenes you never get tired of. However, it also refills most of your RotT meter, making the game even easier. It's a mixed bag, really. You start to feel a bit challenged, the game starts getting almost cinematic? And out of nowhere, they throw in some extremely easy moments.

On the graphics side, the game looks just as good as the first. Not the absolute best the PS2 has offered, but awfully close. The upgrades to certain effects, and animations, are welcome. The locales of the game are as beautiful as ever. The level design is spectacular, but sometimes underwhelming in terms of "Why would they design it that way in ancient Greece??". The magic effects, and stylized camera moves during boss fights and context-based attacks are still absolutely top-notch, with one sticking out in particular. A fight at the Palace of the Fates, involving a silhouette of you and your opponent fighting against the backdrop of a stained glass window, from a 2D perspective. It was a top-quality scene, and whoever had the idea of doing it in a 2D perspective deserves a god-damned raise.

Audio is better than ever, with the sound effects ringing out perfectly. Everything makes the sound you'd imagine. From Kratos' Blades, to the minotaur snarl. Even the creepy, almost gag-inducing sound of the Kraken tentacles slurping on a surface. Ambiance in the game is a lot more noticeable this time around. Nature in the background, gears rotating and chains clanking together. Everything is done to great detail. The score for the game is nice, as well. The track that plays during the ascension of Atlas is absolutely golden, in terms of providing atmosphere. You really feel like you're scaling a Titan, as opposed to a brick wall.


Summary:
The game has it's moments. Disappointing boss battles, and sometimes tediously long combat aside? The story manages to entertain, the animation is fluid, and the characters always seem to drag your imagination further in. It's not perfect, but it's worth the purchase. The graphics are good, but not astounding. The level design is fun, but could be better. The audio is as perfect as you could expect, and the "Bonus Play" feature makes subsequent playthroughs more and more enjoyable. If you liked the first game, you'll like this one too.


What the ... :
Gaia. Leader of the Titans. "Mother" of Zeus... HAS MAN BOOBS. I say "man", because her face model is manly, and she has a tree-mullet. Yes. Read that again, if you have to; TREE-MULLET. Also, this one requires absolutely no description: Cod of War.


Story
5

Gameplay
3

Graphics
4

Audio
5

God of War

God of War
Spartan of Fashion!!!

Plotline:
You play Kratos, the ex-leader of a Spartan army. During a battle with some barbarians, he prays to the Gods for power to finish his fight. His prayer is answered by Ares, God of War, in exchange for his everlasting obedience, and the fabled Blades of Chaos are fused to his arms permanently. Shortly thereafter, his family is slaughtered, leaving Kratos on his own, his only remaining purpose to serve the Gods. Ares goes on the warpath, due to Athena gaining Zeus's favor, and begins to rough up her city something wicked. And guess who the Gods expect to stop him?... That's right. Kratos. So you embark upon a journey of danger, excitement, and extremely adorable Cerberus puppies.

Review:
Well, after playing the prequel on the PSP a few days ago, I just could not resist taking the time to blast through this game, as well. As before, I went through on Spartan difficulty, so any issues I may have may be a bit easier to handle with Normal. First, let me start by saying that this game series started off, and if the PSP iteration proved anything, has continued with an amazing control scheme. I mean seriously? The days of missing platform hops, and attack delays? Over. This game is by no means the most amazing on the planet, don't get me wrong. There are some others that reserve that title, in my mind.

*COUGH*Star Ocean 2*COUGH*

Anyway! The control scheme is ridiculously simple to learn, and stays consistent through-out. Never do you find yourself pushing the wrong button to switch to a different magic spell, or messing up a combo. If you START to ream an enemy? You're damn well justified, as Kratos, to finish reaming them. And you'll ream them good. Really, I'm just looking for any excuse to use the word "ream". It's a wonderful way to say... "MESS YOUR FACE UP ROYALLY". So, the controls for the game are great. And unlike the PSP version, never caused me an ache or cramp through the entire sitting. I played this game from beginning to end in about 7-8 hours, on Spartan Mode.

Now, here's the thing you have to understand about this game. The combat? Is great. The story? Fantastic. The enemies? Great designs. But, Sweet Hermes in a Nike Shop, talk about some cheap AI. Enemies patterns are RIDICULOUSLY easy to learn. There were only two enemies in the game that gave me trouble, on a normal basis... The Satyr's, and the Sickle-wielding Legionnaires. Now, the reason these two gave me such trouble? They are the only two re-occuring enemies in the game with random blocking patterns. I tried to find some sort of tell-tale sign of them being TOTALLY open? But it eventually came down to me tricking them into heavy hits to stun them, following up with harder hits to keep them out of the fight. Aside from those two enemies, the rest are damn easy to dispatch. However, here comes my big complaint. Yes, I'm playing a game called "God of War". Yes, I've got blades attached to chains. But why... OH WHY... Are some of these battles so tedious? They aren't even tough. They're just... Long.

Here's an example. One of the bosses you fight (I won't say when, as to prevent spoilers), is a Giant Minotaur. This battle is intimidating as hell, when you start? Until about 30 seconds in, when you realize he only has 4 easily dodgeable attacks, and you have to widdle off his armor through 4 mini-games before actually killing it. This fight takes about 7 minutes, if you do it right. It was just annoying. There are random enemy encounters during levels that just seem to drag on, and on, and on... I didn't think the game would have this issue, but I keep forgetting that Chains of Olympus was the most recent. Combat would sometimes be epic, and seriously enticing. But othertimes, would just bore the hell out of me on the way to my next puzzle. And I won't get into my love for this game's puzzles. I'll say it this way; If I had to rate this games level design, and the enjoyability of it's puzzles alone? It would get a perfect score.

Kratos has got to be one of the best game character in the past few years, exhuming this amazing amount of charisma and power, while still avoiding the stereotypical "Chosen Hero" mind-set. The man has some demons. And we're not talking... "Oops, I forgot to turn the stove off", here. This man has some serious skeletons in his closet. I'm not sure if I mean that literally, actually. Does Kratos have a closet? Does Kratos have a house!? DOES KRATOS EAT?! DOES HE DRINK!? DOES HE EVER SLEEP!? I swear to god. There's a part in the game where the narrator says... "Kratos climbed the rockface to the temple's wall for 3 days."... 3 days. 72 hours. And no mention of... "He stopped to take a nap near a vultures nest.", "He popped a squat around Kronos's head"... NOTHING. The man is a beast. He doesn't slow down, he doesn't give up... Did I mention the 3-foot wide stone spike? Oh, nevermind. You'll find out for yourself.

The bosses, as in Chains of Olympus, are pretty awesome. They're a bit lacking in the numbers department, however. Now that I think about it, there were only about 5 boss battles. 5 of which being near the very end of the game. With one of them being less of a boss battle, and more of an exercise in making you wish you could rip your hair out. You think Kratos is a badass? Yeah. Wait until you're fighting him. Not enough for you? How about 5 of him. Ok... How about 12? That's right. 12 Kratos', coming at you continuously. Whilst you guard NPC's. The final battle itself is fun, but suffers from the same issue the rest of the games enemies have; Pattern. After 30 seconds or so, you know every move in their repertoire. Not to mention, Kratos can somehow manage to block/parry just about anything.

Another small issue I have is with the use of some of your equipment. Two things in particular, actually. The "Medusa's Gaze" spell, and the "Zeus's Fury" spells. Medusa's Gaze is great, early on, and allows you to dispatch bigger enemies quickly. However, it's use dwindles later on, due to the amount of enemies, and if not properly leveled, it's insta-cast freeze ability is out-of-reach. Zeus's Fury is awesome, and your only TRUE ranged attack. But even when leveled to it's maximum, it can't take out an enemy archer with a fully charged bolt, so it falls short of my expectation for the King of the Gods power. There is one amazingly overpowered spell, late in the game. "Army of the Dead". This power saved me the trouble of bashing my head into my desk, during the Kratos Clone-fight. Leveling this spell was the best thing I could have done, to prep for the end.

The graphics were ahead of their time, for the year the game came out. Some of the locales, and the scale, are just phenomenal. Effects on Kratos' blades and powers are absolutely top-notch, and one area of the game in particular makes the game worth the purchase alone. (Pandora's Temple). I never experienced a hint of slowdown, even on my Fat ol' refurbed PS2, and never had a single graphics glitch the whole game. So it does a good job. However, some of the enemy textures could have used a bit of work. The Cyclops, in particular, never actually looked much like a cyclops. More like a troll, or ogre.

The audio is great. Again, the sound track manages to impress, but never invade your senses to the point of tearing you away from the game itself. The sound effects for all the weaponry, spells, and "metal-on-metal" are absolutely superb. Enemies sounds and reaction noises are great, but a few - such as the Harpies and Cerberus Pups - could have used some work. Voice acting is quality, and the narration is absolutely riveting. You never feel like you're watching a movie, or playing a brainless Hack & Slash. The game reached a good balance, with it's gameplay and storytelling.

Summary:
In the end, this is one of those games you'll pick up if you're a fan of the genre. However, I highly recommend it to anyone with a like for a good story, and challenging gamplay. The game truly is one of the shining gems of the PS2, in terms of overall value. Even with it's flaws, the game never fails to impress, or suprise... ("Uhm... Am I in Hell?)... And by the end of the game, you leave without feeling you've wasted a single moment of your time. The graphics are good, the sound quality's nice, the voice acting is terrific. Combat can be a mixed bag. Always responsive, but sometimes gets boring when enemies start showing up en masse.

All in all, a great story, great main character, and wonderful stages and combat system make this game an absolute must-rent, if not a buy.


What the ... :
Alright. Glaringly odd observation here... But am I the ONLY person who noticed that Ares resembles Liam Neeson? I almost wanted him to go Darkman on Kratos. Would have made for one helluva sight.


Story
5

Gameplay
4

Graphics
4

Audio
4

God of War: Chains of Olympus

God of War: Chains of Olympus
Because mythology is only half the battle!


Plotline:
As Kratos, the legendary "Ghost of Sparda", you're charged by the Gods to rescue the Sun-God Helios from the clutches of the Titan Atlus, lest the Gods be put into an eternal slumber, and the world shifts into everlasting darkness. All while conquering Kratos's inner-demons, passion for combat, and his absolute inability to find a snazzier costume. Come on man... A loincloth? What are we, here. Barbarians?


Review:
Alright. Lets start by stating that I'm not too huge on Hack & Slash. I like story in my games. I LOVE story in my games. Even if it's convulted, odd, supernatural stories involving Fire-Ghost Pyro's and Exploding Men covered in bees. Usually, I shy away from any game that has more "Press Square!" than "Speak to..." in it. This was an exception. I was going through my catalog of PSP games, when I came across this. I popped it in to give it a test, as I'd just reformatted my Memory Stick.

The game starts, the story sets up an attack by the Persian army, and BAM. Thrust into battle. I was a bit underwhelmed, until the first boss battle. See, combo's in the game are easy to manage. But they can also be abused. Even on Spartan Mode, I was finding it EXTREMELY easy to interrupt my enemies attacks, and even counter/parry, WITHOUT the skill in my repertoire. That's not to say that isn't nice though, since it's great to have the ability to adapt your own playstyle. Me? I go for cinematic kills, and trying to group enemies into combo-able little messes. It's fun to watch.

The first boss battle rolls around, and you're fighting a Basilisk. This thing is a beast. The pattern was easy to memorize, but the battle itself was what was great. You fight this thing on a bridge, and keep pushing it back with your attacks. Each time you push it back, it spouts a stream of fire you have to dodge. If dodged, you can continue to whail on it/block, and push it further back. Simple boss, but it IS the first boss of the game. After you push it back enough, that's where the real fun begins. It hops on the wall, and you have to make a bee-line for it's leg while it's spouting fireballs like an artillery cannon. Once you get close, you tap the "O" to initiate the most badass thing about this game, the context minigames. (Think Kingdom Hearts 2's Reaction Commands, if you're puzzled.)

I proceed to stab this thing's leg, shove my blades into it, hop off, and then I have to twirl the Analog Nub to YANK it from the wall. When it hits the ground, I then yank an entire chunk of the bridge down on to it's head. You repeat this process a few times, and the final context action occurs. It starts to charge a fireball in it's mouth, so you jump up it's arm, onto it's neck, swing your chain blades around it's neck, and have to start closing it's mouth before it can fire. If successful, it blows it's own head open, and the battle is over. It's these moments that truly make this game stand out. The interactivity in the actual cinematic destruction of a boss. There are some glorious moments. (IE: A sequence involving launching chains to contain a giant). However, there's a non-minigame portion of the final boss battle that seriously feels like a rip-off from the Zelda series. Those of you who've played both will know what I speak of.

The game itself suffers from one glaring issue, however. This game is, for all intents and purposes, a PS2 game on the PSP. As You know, the PSP is about a 3rd of the size of a standard PS2 controller. This, mixed with a button pressing intense game? Leads to your fingers cramping. A lot. I had to take 5 minute breaks every hour or so I played. That's the other glaring flaw. The game is too short. On the Spartan Difficulty, (Which is the second only to God.), I beat the game in under 5 hours. It's way too short. The game sucks you in so greatly with it's combat and story, that when the final battle happens, you're left feeling a bit confused as to if you're supposed to keep playing. It's slightly disappointing, as this would have made an amazing 10-15 hour game.

Next, the Graphics. Like I said. This is essentially a PS2 game on the PSP. The graphics reflect that flawlessly. The cutscenes are on par with Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core's, in area's. The in-game graphics actually EXCEED the former, in terms of smoothness. And the animations for Kratos' attacks are absolutely flawless. When he launches into a combo, all you can think to yourself is "OH SHI-", before he's turned the room into something that resembles the inside of a blender after a "Strawberry Smoothie" binge. One of the simpler combo's, "Rampage of Furies", is so ridiculously intense that you wanna scream like a little girl when you do it on accident, even if it means getting your ass handed to you in the process. We're talking "Super-intense Jump Roping in Middle School" awesome, here. And yes, that's a joke. The move is wicked, though. Graphics wise, there were only a few hiccups I encountered. A SEVERE slowdown in one fight near the end of the game, and some issues with enemies appearing without their "Blazing Hole" entrance showing as well. But these could have just been the PSP reacting to the stress of being played in one continuous burst.

Audio is a mixed bag. The sound effects are nice, and such. But as with most PSP games, the audio quality, expecially during cutscenes, is quite tinny without a pair of earbuds/headphones. Aside from that issue, the sound itself is pretty top notch. Voice acting is damn good quality, and the music is very good at setting the mood, without being to invasive. The best sounds come from Kratos' blades, however. The developers were smart to focus on the "Oh Hi, prepare to have your ass kicked." sound of his blades ringing out. From the chains clanking, to the swords making contact with other metal, his weapon sounds are top notch. Between God of War, and Crisis Core, there is no doubting that the quality of PSP games can be on par with a PS2-quality game.


Summary:
When it comes down to it, even with it's short play time, and ache-inducing controls, the game is absolutely a must-play for any PSP owner. The simple difficulty makes it accessible for most players, and even allows a certain amount of leniency in learning how to dodge/block. The story itself is great, mixing mythology with other influences, and even going so far as to introduce amazing artwork and realtime renditions of classic myths. The graphics are absolutely stunning for a handheld title, and can be considered some of the best this console has put out since it's release. The gameplay is solid, offers plenty of rewarding moments with the context sensitive actions, and the boss fights are absolutely amazing, even if the finale is a bit disappointing in terms of difficulty. The audio quality is absolutely top-notch with earphones, but can suffer from the standard "Tin-can" effect when without.

I highly recommend this game to anyone with a PSP, and the cash to toss out for this.



WTF?!:
- Alright. There's a weapon in the game called the "Gauntlet of Zeus"... Now, I loved this thing? But damn, if it didn't feel like a Hellboy rip-off. I mean, it flat out acts the exact same way. Breaks through just about anything, stops enemies in their tracks.. It's actually a bit overpowered, when fully upgraded.

- Persephone. Why are you SO damn easy!? You're the final boss! Why are you the polar opposite of Abaddon from Castlevania?! It's like... "OH HAI, I'LL COPY GANNON AND MAKE THIS EASY FOR YOU. =D"... Seriously. It's almost insulting to go through the game on the second hardest difficulty, and not even be challenged when it comes to killing the final boss.

Story
5

Gameplay
4

Graphics
5

Audio
4

Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core

Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core
Not so final, when you think about it...

Plotline:
This prequel to Final Fantasy 7 finds you playing Zack Fair, SOLDIER 2nd Class, following the road to his dreams, in a quest to become a hero. SOLDIER 1st Class Genesis Rhapsados has gone missing, as well as valuable ShinRa Inc. Technology. It's up to Zack to unravel the mystery, while finding out the mysterious pasts of SOLDIER's best members; Sephiroth, Genesis, and Angeal. An in the process, he might just find out why Sephiroth is such a raging mama's boy.

Review:
Back with another review, this time on a series I've actually begun to loathe, over the years. Ever since FFX, I've been kind of "Meh" towards the mention of new Final Fantasy games. Being somewhat of a fan of FFVII, I decided to take the time to play this. Mainly because Zack, while merely a flashback character in the original game, grew to be one of my favorite FF character's besides Squall. (Whatever.)

The game starts with an amazing cinematic, showing of Squeenix's innate ability, like Blizzard, to make some truly epic cutscenes and FMV sequences. Kudos to the PSP LCD Screen for being able to put out such beautiful quality renderings. I was truly blown away by the fact that this was taking place in my hands, and not on a television set. Once the game begins, the first thing you'll realize is that this game is truly stunning, in terms of visuals. The graphics are among the same quality as an early-era PS2 game. There are some anti-aliasing issues, but it's still pretty damn impressive to know that a console that's not even an inch wide in depth can churn out images of this caliber.

The combat system mirrors the Kingdom Hearts games, almost. Your Materia equipped adds extra commands to your menu bar, which you scroll through with the R-and-L Triggers. It takes some getting used to, but once you choose a good setup, and commit it to memory, switching between commands is flawless. A few times, I found myself screaming... "OH DEAR CHRIST, I FORGOT I UNEQUIPPED THAT!" during a boss battle. But this kind of thing is normal with me. The excessive swearing, that is. Not the forgetfulness.

Random encounters are aplenty, which of course, you'll learn I HATE in my vidya. It's really annoying to take 2-3 steps, and BAM! Another fight. Even if they're pushovers. The issue with this is that there is a pre-combat preparation scene, to give you time to adjust your hand placement? And then after combat, a 5-10 second wait to return back to the game map. It gets tedious, in some of the optional missions. But then again, they ARE optional, so you can't complain too much. I mean, it's not like ShinRa is FORCING you to do these missions, even though it IS your job to do them. You know. No pressure there, Zack. You're only trying to uphold peace and protect future customers of the energy-suck tyrants.

The game is pretty easy, on Normal mode. Hard mode increase enemy defense, damage output, and HP. Making it a much rougher game. But it's still completable. My first play-through was on Hard Mode. Sadly, the only boss that gave me any trouble was Sephiroth. And that's because the bastard teleports, ala Kingdom Hearts, and EVEN HAS THE SAME GOD-DAMNED HEARTLESS ANGEL MOVE. YES. LET ME SAP ALL YOUR HITPOINTS IN ONE ATTACK. THANKS. I still believe Sephiroth is ridiculously over-rated. But I will give him credit for actually having reason behind his madness. Doesn't change the fact that he still has an Oedipus Complex.

Which brings me to the story. Jesus christ, this game's story will rip you apart. In a good way. This isn't the best story in any game, but it really does fuck with you. A lot. See... Anyone who's played FFVII knows that...

*SPOILER: HIGHLIGHT TO READ*
Zack dies. And Cloud assumes his identity, due to amnesia from the Mako Poisoning. So the entire game, you're getting attached to this character, growing more and more accustomed to him, really relating to his feelings for his friends, and loved ones? And then, like that, he's gone. And his ending is absolutely depressing. He asks Cloud to become his living legacy, and that if he meets Aerith, "Would you say I became a hero?"... Manly tears were almost shed.
*SPOILER END*

The character development, and extra story supplement to the original game are absolutely fantastic, even WITH the ret-cons. Genesis, while a bit too prose-laden, is an absolutely fantastic character, with true drive behind his actions. It's almost comical to watch Sephiroth begin to parallel him, later in the game. Angeal and Tseng really stand out here, as well. Angeal, being Zack's mentor, has some truly amazing moments. And it's nice to see that Tseng truly considers Zack a close friend, especially considering how cold and ruthless he seems in the rest of the series.

Audio in the game is top-notch. Without headphones, you're sadly limited to a slightly tinny audio sound. But a pair of ear buds QUICKLY rectifies this. The voice acting is top-notch. Steve Burton returns to voice Cloud, and does so with an almost boyish, "Goofy Kid" quality. Sephiroth is once again voiced by George Newbern, with that excellent "Am I mad, or just bored?" tone. Angeal and Zack truly stand out, though. Angeal, voiced by Josh Gilman, manages a flawless, almost fathering tone as Zack's mentor. And Zack, voiced by actor Rick Gomez, is absolutely astounding in all areas. He truly nailed the personality of Zack's character.



Summary:
The game really, truly adds to the Final Fantasy VII Collection in an amazing way. The story keeps you attached, and the characters draw you in incredibly. The FMV's are about as badass and awesome as they can get, and really kick up the "OH HOLY CHRIST" factor of the game. While the battle system has it's annoyances... (IE: Random enemies EVERY 5 STEPS.), it's still a decent step in the right direction for an action-based Final Fantasy title. Here's to hoping for a FFVII Remake. =D


What the ... :
- Genesis. Holy Hell. The man took me literally 20 seconds to kill. He was an absolute pushover. I had more trouble killing his CLONES in the missions!!!
-And for fuck sake, WHAT IS CISSNEI'S REAL NAME!? JESUS!!!

Score



Story
5

Gameplay
3

Graphics
5

Audio
4

Dual Review!: Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow, Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin

Castlevania: Dawn of Sorrow
Now with 100% less Dracula!

Plotline:
After the events of "Aria of Sorrow", Soma Cruz's power of Dominance is called back into affect when a sorceress named Celia attempts to resurrect Dracula with two new candidates. The catch is that they have to dispense of Soma, in order to acquire the power of the Dark Lord inside of him.

Review:
Alright, lets get started. I'm a HUGE Castlevania fan. I've been playing the games since my parents bought me a Nintendo, so i'm not treading unfamiliar ground, here. I'm going to be a bit more critical with these 2D titles, seeing as how they have to fit a certain legacy the others have set. And with games like "Symphony of the Night", and "Circle of the Moon" holding the title of "Best in the Series", there's going to be quite a lot to live up to.

The game itself starts pretty quickly. The story catches you up to what's been up with Soma since Dracula's Castle was sealed back inside the eclipse at the end of "Aria of Sorrow". Most of the mechanics you remember from that game, (or don't remember if you never played it), are still there. Soma still acquires souls from his fallen enemies, with which to use to summon magic or allies to aid him in his journey to prevent Dracula's Resurrection. Also, Soma will acquire weapons and armor throughout the game to upgrade his stats and attacks with. He can also combine the previous two game mechanics to "synthesize" new weapons, using souls he has in reserve, and lower-grade weapons, to allow for more powerful attacks than would be capable with his normal equipment.

Here-in lies the first issues with the game: Some of the souls are WAY too difficult to acquire. And no, i'm not talking the end-of-game, "Needed for the ultimate weapon" souls. We're talking ones that you'd use to upgrade your Long Sword to a Rapier. Which then requires an extremely common soul to be upgraded yet again, and again, and again. Why would the developers make low-level items so rare, yet make some of the most insanely powerful weapons/souls available so effortlessly? This just screams of unrefinement, but i'll give it a break, since this is a Castlevania game, and balance has always been a big part. (Although it's usually balancing the difficulty AGAINST you, not for you.)

As you travel through the game, you uncover more about the other two candidates for the Dark Lord's revival, and what Celia has in store for Soma. The story is pretty simple, but still enough to make you feel like you've delved a bit more into the series legacy. It's not story-heavy, but it brings it in when needed. Characters from the past game return, such as Hammer, Yoko Belnades, Julius Belmont, and "Genya Arikado". (If you've played Symphony of the Night, and CAN'T guess who this is, get the fuck out.)... They all offer you aid on your journey. Yoko synthesizes weapons for you, Hammer sells you equipment and weapons, and Genya and Julius play the roles of your mentor and ally, respectively.

The game is fun, there's no doubt about it, but for a Castlevania title? It's simply TOO easy. There is an issue when I can beat a boss the FIRST TIME, with what I have equipped when I walk into the room. These games are notorious for making you learn patterns, wait patiently, and equip the right combo to give you maximum damage output and extreme kick-ass ability. When it comes down to it, the battles are just too easy. And some of them are just ridiculously easy to cheap-shot in.

Example: In the battle with Abaddon, he conducts (Yes, conducts. Like a fucking concertio.) locusts in patterns, across the screen. The pattern he makes is the path they will travel, so it gives you time to take cover, or jump over them. The issue is, at this point in the game you have the Gergoth soul, which allows you to fire a concentrated energy beam. The locusts just fly STRAIGHT into the beam, and disentegrate, making this battle a total joke. (As if Abaddon wasn't a joke enough, already.)

The biggest killer, in my eyes, is that it's a Castlevania game where you DON'T battle Dracula at the end. What the fuck, guys? Didn't you give us a good enough doseage of "No Dracula" in Aria of Sorrow? And you're repeating the shit again? No. Go to bed, you lose. Good day. The end boss, instead, is this wacky giant skeleton, mutant, fucked up thing that shoots gas out of its chest, and tries to stab you with his bone fingers. What the fuck is this shit, a Tim Burton movie? Someone write this script up, and cast Johnny Depp and Helena Bonham Carter, I think we have an Oscar on the way!!!

The graphics for the game are what we've come to expect from the series, since SotN, and it's not a disappointment. Character and enemy animations are spot on, and always look crisp and clean. The game slows down VERY rarely, and only when a lot of action is on the screen, with a lot of effects mixed in. The attack animations are quite comedic, at times, with the Great Swords and Axes consisting of amazingly drawn-out overhead swings, with the daggers and swords being extremely quick and precise.

Audio is the same way. Everything you've come to expect from Konami, over the years. The sound is clean and crisp, the music is extremely memorable and enjoyable, and the boss attack sound effects are well done, and the effects for the souls match up with what the soul came from, to a "T".

Summary:
All in all, it's a good installment in the Castlevania series. It's a bit of a let-down in the Story and Difficulty departments, but exceeds expectations with the Audio and Graphics. Julius Mode, unlocked after beating the game, is back from "Aria of Sorrow", and allows a more difficult and rewarding experience. If anything, beat the game just to play as Julius Belmont. The man reaks of badassness.

What the ... :
Why the HELL is Abaddon CONDUCTING Locusts?! It looks fucking TRIPPY. -_o. AND WHY THE HELL IS THERE NOT A SINGLE WHIP-LIKE WEAPON FOR SOMA?!?

Score

Story
2

Gameplay
3

Graphics
5

Audio
5










Castlevania: Portrait of Ruin
(And Dracula's actually in this one!!!)


Plotline:
Jonathan Morris, son of "Castlevania: Bloodlines" John Morris, sets out with his companion, Charlotte Aulin, to stop Dracula's revival (again.), unlock the power of the whip his father left for him, and all around have a smashing good time whilst tromping aroung different portraits inside Dracula's Castle. What awaits him behind the portraits? Well hopefully not a copy of "Castlevania 2: Simon's Quest".

Review:
I played this back-to-back with "Dawn of Sorrow", and I cannot stress enough how much cooler this game is. Don't get me wrong, Soma. You're a great character? But Jonathan Morris exhumes "Yes, i'm gonna kick your ass, and i'm gonna hate my father while I do it."

First, we have the reappearance of "Castlevania", the Lord of Darkness' Castle. It only appears when his power is growing, and the wielder of the Vampire Killer whip must ALWAYS confront him, lest all kinds of hell break loose. Or, y'know, someone might leave the stove on. That always kills things, too. Damn memory...

ANYWAYS! Jonathan and Charlotte show up to stop him, and find out that Brauner, another vampire lord, is actually the one who summoned the castle back, and he's using Portraits to bind Dracula from returning, and to harness his power to attack the humans responsible for the death of his daughters in World War 1. However, his Daughters are still with hi-... What the fuck... Eric LeCarde?! FROM BLOODLINES?! HOW'D YOU GET IN MY PORTAIT OF RUIN!?.... Let's just get on with the Review.

First, you have the equipment system. Since you have two characters to mind, it gets kind of confusing at first, but then you figure out what goes best where. You are given more weapons than in "Dawn of Sorrow", but if you're a purist like me, you'll end up using the Steel/Rose-stem whips for most of the game.

The only flaw with having two characters is the fact that your secondary character (whoever you choose to play less), will essentially only ever be used for Co-op attacks, pushing blocks with you, and the occasional support spell. That's really it. I managed to beat every boss with Jonathan alone, with Charlotte jumping in once or twice for the Co-op "1,000 Blades" attack.

And also, following the tradition that "Dawn of Sorrow" laid down, the bosses are YET AGAIN, too god-damned EASY. I only fought each boss once, with the exception of a game-breaking glitch I had in the fight with Death, which required me to start over from 20 or so minutes back. Not a horrible issue, because I was digging the game immensely. The big issue? Is that The Big D himself is literally a minute long fight. I just whailed on him with the unlocked power of the Vampire Killer, and threw my Boomerang Cross at him every couple of seconds. Mofo went down like a sack of bricks. TOO EASY.

The story is well written, and has a small plot twist towards the middle. It's very fun to watch unfold, and better than what we were given with "Dawn". Jonathan becomes a very likeable protagonist, and you almost start to feel a little bad for him when he finally realizes the truth about his Father. Charlotte is equally likeable as the goofy, childish sidekick. Sadly, she falls short in terms of intelligence, and her dialogue is pretty flat.

The real shining point in the game is when you see/play Richter. Oh sweet christ, how much more badass does this series get? You have to fight the MEMORY of Richter contained in the whip, to truly be able to wield it's full power. Not only is the motherfucker some uber sunuvabitch that can knock your ass out in 3 hits? But the motherfuck has AXES, KNIVES, A CROSS, AND A GOD DAMN SHOULDER TACKLE. Plus the whip, that you're trying to unlock. Talk about fucking odds being against you. That cross can hurt like a bitch. Bastard's got some good aim. And he's quick. See this shit?




Moving on to the Graphics, you have yet AGAIN a 10 out of 10. Considering this is on the Nintendo DS, you have to give the developers credit for getting 3D enemies AND backdrops into the game, without a single hitch. Not one bit of slowdown for me, this round, and the animations are spectacular. The boss designs are nice, as are their attack animations.

Audio is AMAZING. You can actually hear the kinks in the whip, when you swing it. The music is epic in boss fights, and the corridor music gives you that classic Castlevania "Oh Yeaaaaaah!" feeling. Seriously spot on, this time around, and the voices in the game are fantastic.

Summary:
Definately replayable. It has an online-capable Co-op mode that allows you to tackle bosses together, and also a Shop Mode, which allows for trading of items via internet. After beating the game, you unlock Richter Mode, where you get to play as the hardcore badass himself (complete with nigh-superspeed, like the motherfucking flash), and Sisters Mode, where you get to play as Brauner's "Daughters".

In short this is one of the best Handheld Castlevania's to date, only topped by "Circle of the Moon". It's fun, it's got an ok length to it, and it'll leave you wanting a bit more, leading
to the constant replayability. This is definately worth the purchase, and will keep you quite happy until a good, solid 3D game comes to the next-gen consoles.

What the ... :
ABADDON IS BACK AGAIN!? DIDN'T I ALREADY KILL THAT FUCKER!?... What the hell, Richter. WHY ARE YOU SO FAST!? Jesus! And what the hell happens to Jonathan, now that he has the whip's full power? Eesh, plothole...

Score

Story
3

Gameplay
4

Graphics
5

Audio
5